


How would you like me to die?

by Sukie_Kagamine



Category: Tenet (2020)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Angst, M/M, Oblivious, Rescue, Sad Ending, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-12
Updated: 2020-12-12
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:13:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28026078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sukie_Kagamine/pseuds/Sukie_Kagamine
Summary: 5 times Neil saved the Protagonist, and the one time the Protagonist saved him
Relationships: Neil/The Protagonist (Tenet)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 73





	How would you like me to die?

**Author's Note:**

> Great thanks to my friend all_their_intricacies who developed the backbone of this idea with me!

**1\. The Kiev Opera House**  
It was the first time Neil saw the Protagonist when he came back to the past. A younger, cockier, but still an extremely dangerous and attractive version of the man he loved. He had been following the operation from the start, taking in the reports from the other pincer to make sure that he knew exactly when he needed to come in. The Protagonist had told him about this mission a long time ago, how he was still young and green and could have done things so much better. They would curl up next to the fireplace, in nothing but a large blanket, cuddling, and his love would tell him all the things about his previous life. They never kept anything from each other. Even Neil's death.

When Neil got himself in this Sator mission, he knew he came back to sacrifice his life so the world could live, just like how the Protagonist told him. He used to spend nights and nights kissing away the quiet tears and assured his love that it would all be alright, and they still had time together. Not anymore.

Here he was, outside of the Opera House where he would save the Protagonist's life for the first time to the Protagonist, and for a hundredth time to him. It should be easy, he thought - he already succeeded before. All he needed to do was making sure his combat suit covered everything, getting in by walking backwards, stopping the damned thug from killing the love of his life, and getting out right after. The Protagonist never told him how he knew it was Neil who saved him, he just said he could feel it.

The watch on his hand started ticking as he pulled down his mask, and he grabbed his gun, getting in.

Most of the civilians were unconscious in their seats, not knowing anything about the fight around them. The Protagonist's team were extremely professional and quick, gaining immediate control of the situation, pushing the terrorists to their boundaries. Neil walked in backwards, careful not to let anyone notice him. Most of the CIA agents were too busy handling the criminals to recognize someone dressing as themselves. He looked around, trying to make out the Protagonist in the crowd.

Neil's breath sped up as he saw the man standing in an aisle. Their eyes touched for a second, even though he didn't know it. Neil's heart felt like it was squeezed in his chest at the sight of the man he loved, only a foot away but farther than he could ever reach. This wasn't his Protagonist, Neil knew. This was a younger, cockier version of him, who didn't know him at all. Who would even doubt him to be a traitor, as if Neil wouldn't jump off a cliff for him. But it would be a blatant lie if Neil said he didn't love this man just as much as his.

He got closer and saw the terrorist lying on the ground, obviously dead. Well, he picked the wrong man to hold at gunpoint, that's all.

Neil aimed his gun and pulled the trigger. A gunshot went off as the terrorist's body gained back life to stand up and hold up his gun against the Protagonist's head. The bullet flew from the ground straight into Neil's barrel with such a familiar pull. The Protagonist turned his back around, back to where he was before Neil came. Mission complete.

After executing the mission, Neil's plan was to run away as fast as possible, but his traitorous feet stopped him for another few seconds. His time was running out, so he just wished he could look at the other man for a little longer. Ives urged him in the comm with an annoyed voice, and only after that did he turn around and get out of the place, the talisman dangling on his backpack. It was a gift of luck, from his Protagonist.

 **2\. The freeport in Oslo**  
His Protagonist told him everything, but not in the brief of this mission. He said if Neil knew some particular things, it would affect his decision and he would act differently, therefore changing the past. So Neil got into the freeport in Oslo with the younger Protagonist by his side, still skeptical and closed off, not knowing how the man would almost commit suicide in the next few minutes.

It was hard, pretending to not know everything about this man because he did, he knew the man's favorite drink, his favorite food, clothes, color, pets, everything. He spent years finding out and changing to match them and sometimes compromising with them, just so they could finally have a life together. But Neil tried. He succeeded in not ordering an espresso for the man when they got in, because letting the diet coke slip was already suspicious enough.

The way the Protagonist worked in the mission was the same as what he knew - quiet, effective and fast. Neil learned that from the man, and he was always grateful to have a mentor like him. Especially when sometimes Neil could distract his mentor in sparring with a random kiss and earned a fair win. Watching him work with all the knowledge Neil had was a mesmerizing experience, but it was funny how he struggled with the lock, because Neil had never seen him having trouble with one before. So when he asked if he could lend a hand, he half expected the man to refuse with pride, like most of the agents he worked with before. It came as a surprise that he said yes, because he valued the outcome of the mission and the safety of the world over his own ego. Neil wanted to kiss him for that alone.

They got into the rooms that were separated with the glass at the same time, Neil quietly sending him looks through the grooves and broken traces on the transparent barrier between them. It gave him a chill - a nameless dread swirling inside his stomach that something would be wrong. They weren't the only ones in the freeport at that moment, and the intruder could be either friend or foe. But then, there's no friends at dusk.

The large room was mostly empty, but for the metal chamber at the far end. Neil was too familiar with the structure, but he said nothing as the Protagonist stared at the machine with awe, all guards up as it suddenly moved. Neil turned his gaze back to his side of the Turnstile, waiting for it to happen. Something his Protagonist never told him about. His hands balled into fists, be prepared to take whoever it was down if they tried to attack the Protagonist in any way. And boy, was he right.

The masked man jumped out of his Turnstile as the inverted version of him went out of the Protagonist's side. They immediately got into a fight for their lives, the mysterious masked man was almost as skillful as the Protagonist, matching his strikes and managed to shoot him three times. The bullet only missed the man's face by a few inches, and the sound of them fighting was enough for Neil to know that he had to do something before the Protagonist made a tiny mistake and the antagonist would shoot him to death.

But it was strange how this version of the antagonist had no interest in killing Neil. He just ran out of the Turnstile and shoved Neil aside, heading for the door. Neil got back on his feet, considering coming over to aid the Protagonist with the fight, but he decided that killing his antagonist would also end the one the Protagonist had to fight. It would be easier. So he chased after the masked man, following the closer and closer sound of his footsteps. Neil pulled out his gun, firing some shots but missed. It was depressing how fast that man could run - leaving Neil breathless like the time he had to follow his Protagonist in a sprint when they were training, and in the whirlwind of what happened, Neil felt as if he was really chasing his Protagonist, in his timeline. The sound, the weight of each step was just like that, the rhythm, the speed, everything.

Shit.

The gun fell out of his grasp as he gathered all of his strength to bolt to the masked man, and he dug his fingers into the mask, pulling it off with his weight. The antagonist tripped and fell down. Neil stared at the man. God, he knew it. He knew it.

Neil turned around, running back to the Turnstile room, heart pounding, almost breaking his chest open with its intensity. He could think of nothing but the Protagonist, fighting a different version of himself, in that room. He was the masked man. He was hurting himself. He was trying to kill himself. Or worse, he could have direct contact with his other version, and annihilation came afterwards. They could just take one look at each other and risk the chance of exploding like water balloons, splashing blood and inner organs everywhere with a deafening pop.

When Neil came, they weren't in the room anymore. He let out a shaky breath as he changed his path, trying to find where they were and stop this silly Protagonist to kill, or be killed. And he got there just in time. Right before the Protagonist could pull the trigger, Neil grabbed his arm and threw his entire body in to stop him, voice breathless and trembling.

"NO!" He dragged the man's arm away, desperate. "Don't kill him! We need to know if you're compromised."

The man listened to him, which was something Neil's heart always flutters every time he thought of. The man yelled at his counterpart, demanding to know who he was, but no reply came out, and then the force outside sucked him out of the corridor, out of their sight.

"Come on, we need to go." Neil said, ignored the man's angry and doubtful glare, trying to suppress his relieved laugh. He saved the Protagonist. Ever since he stepped into Tenet, it had always been the Protagonist who saved him. Whenever Neil said 'I love you', he always replied with 'I love you more', and it was right. It was true. He tried, but never did enough for the Protagonist, not nearly as much as the man did for him. But it started to change today. Behind him, the Protagonist was still sulking that Neil stopped him from killing the masked man, but Neil didn't mind.

Whatever their future plan was, at least he knew the man he loved was alive out there, inverted, executing his perfect plan, just like he always does.

**3\. The burning car in Tallinn**  
When Neil got to the scene, everything was on fire. He knew the Protagonist would be fine - he lived for a long time after this to recruit Neil, to get to know Neil and did everything with Neil in the future, but knowing that he was unconscious inside the flipped car still gripped Neil's heart like a vice. The thought of death looming over the man for the third time in a few days poisoned Neil's mind as he ran as quickly as possible towards the fire, disregarding the danger it could cause. The gas tank could explode. The fire could hurt him. But then the Protagonist was in the middle of it all, and Neil had to get him out of there.

Wheeler and Ives had made him put on some protective clothing before sending him in to rescue the Protagonist, knowing that he would jump into a burning building for the man without a thought, much less something protective. They even said something to him before he left - but his mind was too occupied to listen. He didn't know. He didn't expect the Protagonist to be in danger. The man himself had kept the details of this mission from Neil, and now all he could hear was his own rushing heartbeat as he tried not to imagine the man he loved in a flipped over car, seriously hurt and probably without his air mask. If Neil wouldn't be there in time, he would most likely be suffocated with the oxygen molecules diffusing out of his lungs.

Neil spotted the car's driver seat with the Protagonist inside before diving head first into the flames, arms covering his head to minimize the impact. He expected it to burn his skin and he would feel the immense pain as the flames surrounded him, but when he jumped in, a freezing cold invisible wall hit him in the face, making him almost trip over. Damn it, Neil realized. That must be what Wheeler had tried to tell him and he completely forgot despite knowing it all: the temperature. He was reversed, so fire would draw in his heat and leave him colder and colder every second. And if he was this cold, the Protagonist had to be in ice.

Neil used all of his strength to punch through the glass of the driver's seat and reached inside to open the door, body started to shake violently with the drop in temperature. It took him some time, but he finally managed to tear it open, and grab someone from inside. God, it was blistering there. It was like shoving his hands into a glacier, and the fact that fire was dancing around his vision didn't help. His hands groped around to check the mask and thanked god it was still on the man's face. Somehow, the flip didn't push it off of the Protagonist's face, or the man muttered his final strength to put it back on. Neil let out a relieved breath as he pulled the man out of the car as carefully but as quickly as possible. That was when the team came with a stretcher and the unconscious man was put on it and rolled to their ambulance.

Neil followed them, not letting the Protagonist out of his sight for a second. He sat in the ambulance, panting, watching the medics of Tenet doing their job on the other man. One of them approached him to check for injuries, but he shook his head and pushed them over to where the Protagonist was lying.

"I'm fine, I'm fine, help him." He croaked, voice cracked from just a minute in the cold fire.

At some point, the Protagonist's heart stopped beating. It was one of the most terrifying moments in Neil's life, watching the medics scramble to try to bring him back, not knowing if it was possible. He could only sit there shivering from both the cold and the gnawing fear of losing the man that was growing bigger and bigger inside him. Maybe the Protagonist didn't die in this mission, but what if Neil made a mistake that changed everything? What if he was too late and the Protagonist died right here? It took a whole thirty minutes for the medics to finally succeed, and suddenly, they heard the sounds of the Protagonist's heartbeat again. The cold had put him into a clinical death, but he didn't die for real, no, because he was destined to live. And Neil let out a teary laugh at that. Of course.

When they got into the container with Kat, the Protagonist's state almost came back to normal. Ives left the three of them inside with not more than a warning glance at Neil, telling him to put his head in the mission instead of his heart. Neil nodded and curled up in his seat as the container started moving. He stared numbly at the Protagonist, now wrapped in the aluminum foil to stabilize his body temperature, wondering what he would do if this was his Protagonist.

If this was his Protagonist, he would shamelessly come close to the man. He would peel off his own clothes and climb into the man's lap to hold him, giving him as much body heat he possibly could. Warming him the same way they warmed each other up after winter missions, when there were just the two of them in the dark of their bedroom. But then this Protagonist would probably punch him in the face if he did that, so he just sat there staring, eyes still moist with the previous thought of losing the man he loved the most in this world.

**4\. Stalsk 12**  
So this is how it ends. His time has come.

"But can we change things if we do it differently?"

It warmed his heart, the question. How the Protagonist came from not trusting him to wanting to change reality for him. He would have done the same thing for the man a thousand times over.

"What's happened, happened." He shook his head slightly, couldn't help but smiling. This version of the Protagonist was still young, still had linear thoughts as his primary mindset it's adorable. His Protagonist had already accepted the fact that it took Neil's life to save the world, and it was like he grew ten years older in just a short time from when Tenet was founded until Neil had to say goodbye the first time to come back to the past. "Which is an expression of faith in the mechanism of the world. Not an excuse to do nothing."

Tears started to well up in his brown eyes, and Neil wanted nothing to just come closer to kiss them away, like he did for his Protagonist. It's okay, love, it's alright. You'll see me again, Neil wanted to say. You have a future in the past, love, with me. This is only the end to me, for you it's the beginning. We'll get to some stuff together. And you're gonna love it.

"I won't do nothing." The man suddenly took hasty steps towards him, catching him off guard. Wha--what are you…

The Protagonist held his arms and placed a kiss on his lips. It was slightly salty, the taste of the slow streak of tears running down the side of his face that Neil immediately wiped away. He returned the kiss with all the unsaid words, all the love, the hope and apology that he just couldn't put into words without bursting into tears himself.

"I wish we had more time." Neil whispered, touching their foreheads with a gentle smile on his face. He had to, so the Protagonist would know that dying for him wasn't a difficult task to Neil, no. It was an honor. And he would do it a thousand times over.

"Whatever mechanism of the world you're talking about, I'll change it. We will have more time, Neil. I'll find a way." He said, caressing Neil's face with sorrowful, but powerful eyes.

"No, love, you can't, it's already happened. I need to do this to save the world." Neil shook his head. Please, love, you're in too much pain to see things clearly.

"And you've also saved me so many times, Neil. When is it the time for someone to save you?" The man was stubborn, naive even, but Neil couldn't force him. He would understand, when they get to the point where Neil had to make a decision to leave. He would smile and kiss Neil and let Neil go despite knowing that he would never come back.

"My reality is sealed." He said, pulling away from the Protagonist's arms, heading towards the hypocenter. "Now let me go."

Was he sad? Of course he was. Of course he wished to have all the time in the world with this man, to spend the rest of his life with him. But if taking a bullet to his head was a way to keep the Protagonist alive, he would gladly do it every time.

**5\. London pub**

It was the first time he saw someone drinking freaking Coke at the most popular gay pub in London. And it wasn't even some loser that couldn't handle some alcohol - it was a muscular, gorgeous middle aged black man who looked like a three course meal by Gordon Ramsay himself. There was no way that man had any problem with alcohol, Neil was sure of that, but he hadn't drunk a drop of it all night, and it sprung up a thousand questions inside his head.

Neil had been so distracted by this man the entire night, and he rolled his eyes at himself. He wasn't here to have fun, he was here on a damned mission, and his boss would hang him if he missed the trace of his target tonight. His very scary boss at MI6, who ordered him to look for a redhead stripper who could lead him to the information he was working on for so long. It was important, and Neil was being distracted by a random man at the bar because he was drinking Coke.

He had a scientist inside of him despite working as a field agent for a few years, and the scientist always asked questions. Always curious about everything. And Neil just wanted to know how such an attractive man was there all night all alone, and how he wasn't having any alcohol. If he had just gone through a break up, then he had to take them in like water, wouldn't he?

He tried to focus back on his mission, finding that stripper in the sea of people in the small space inside the club by standing up and walking around, pretending to be drunk and wandering. It was like some kind of impossible mission, making him find a person with only a glimpse of an old photo and no name, no age, nothing. Neil huffed as he slid through a tiny gap between the sweaty and squirming people. God, he hated places like this. Neil decided to just come back to his original spot to take a little rest before continuing his search. His eyes unconsciously darted to the spot where the mysterious Coke had sat, and strange enough, he was still there. And Neil caught him looking. Their eyes met, and Neil knew something was up. Neil took in a deep breath as the man quickly turned away.

He could be one of those assassins being sent to eliminate the last lead he had on this case (who he was still looking for hopelessly), and Neil couldn't be careless with this man. He quickly ran his eyes down the man's body, looking for the signs of any gun, knife or any weapon, in particular. And boy, was that a dream physique. It was such a shame he was on the opposite side, because Neil would pick him over that random redhead stripper anytime. Well-defined muscles under a dark blue tailored suit, dark chocolate skin and a neatly trimmed beard. He looked like he could snap most of the people here in halves with those arms, but his strength wasn't the most chilling thing about him. From just a second their eyes touched, Neil could feel the sharp dangerousness radiating from this man. And the gun that he had behind his back, under the tailored jacket didn't help.

"I found someone suspicious. Not our lead, but he looks like he knows why I'm here." Neil whispered into his hidden microphone, and the agent on the other side of the line hummed.

"Well, come over and try to find out what he knows. We can't risk blowing our cover. I'll tell you if the target comes on any camera."

"Looks like I don't have to do that, after all." Neil mumbled, hand carefully placed on his own gun as he looked at the man, who was leaving his seat and got closer to him by seconds.

"Care if I buy you a drink?" The man sat down next to Neil on the large armchair, and he put on a smile.

"What are you going to buy me then?" He smirked, half turning to face the man. That man had a pair of dark brown eyes that pierced into Neil's soul as if he could see what was in Neil's head all the time. But there was something in those eyes that made Neil wonder. It wasn't like he was looking for a way to kill Neil, no, it was stormy but a little...vulnerable. It stopped Neil from pulling out his own gun.

The man cleared his throat and the bartender turned to him. "A vodka tonic, please."

Okay now there was definitely a problem. People don't just randomly know Neil's favorite drink. This man clearly looked into him before.

"He knows too much. He could be with the enemy." The agent in his earpiece came in. "End him."

Fuck. Oh, come on. Killing people on the spot? Neil had never--

"Why don't you have a drink for yourself?" Neil acted natural, eyeing the man's glass. He reached out to pick it up from the man's hand, pretending to check it, and very quickly, dropped a pill inside. It would make sure this man would be dead a few hours after leaving. He shook the glass gently to make sure it dissolved fully before returning it to the man. "Fizzy drinks in a place like this?"

"I don't drink on the job." The man said carelessly, swirling his glass. They were very close in the chair, but not touching. Neil could feel the warmth radiating from his thighs right next to him. He stared at the man. If he was truly from the opposite side with MI6, Neil had to take him out. But somehow, he didn't feel threatened. This man didn't come here with the intention to harm him. Neil took off MI6's micro phone without letting the other man notice.

"Oh? And your job is?" Wait a second, an assassin telling Neil he was on the job? That didn't sound right.

"Waiting for you." He said with such a certainty that Neil's eyes went wider.

"What do you mean waiting for me?" He tried the pretending card, looking as innocent as possible. Trying not to think about the dissolved pill in the drink. "We don't know each other. Are you sure you're not drunk?"

"I know you're MI6. I'm ex CIA." The man cut into the problem, didn't bother beating around the bush. He looked stern and determined, but the lingering vulnerability, the slight waver were still somewhere that Neil could feel it. It was emotional, and Neil didn't know why this man would be. "But now I'm not CIA anymore. I'm working for another organization, and I want you to join."

The vodka tonic came, and Neil took it from the bartender, humming. The other man still hadn't taken in any of his poisoned Coke. "What is it that you're working for? Terrorists? Some country's intelligence?"

"No, it's away from all of that. No politics. Only science, and you are a scientist yourself."

"There are a thousand different scientists in this country, all better and more experienced than me. You're looking in the wrong place." He replied calmly. "I'm happy with my current position, thank you."

"How about I tell you a secret?" The mysterious man grinned, eyes gleaming, and Neil bit his lip.

"Not interested."

"You're not in MI6 because you want to." The man whispered, and Neil's skin crawled with goosebumps. "You're here to serve your sentence because you're the one who stole--"

"Okay, shut up." Neil growled, cutting him off. How the hell could someone know this? It's impossible, they--they promised they kept this confidential! "What the fuck is it that you want?"

"I told you. I want you to drop this and well, run away with me." The man smirked, and God, Neil hated that seductive attitude. And he was actually falling for it. Right in the last time he was going to see this man.

"And what, become wanted and have the Interpol running after my heels? I've done that before, and I'm fucking tired now." He raked his hand through his already messy hair. "I'm doing fine in MI6. Good salary, wonderful benefits, and most importantly, a normal, free life. I'm not interested in other job offers."

"But you're not entirely free, aren't you?" The man just kept talking and God, Neil wanted to scream. He had no idea what was coming to him. "They have you on a leash. They don't appreciate your talents. What good is taking in an ex criminal to your organization if all you have him do is following a stripper?"

_How. The fuck. Did he know._

"And what am I going to do then? Drop everything to come work for you? Risking everything I have now?"

"Well, just think about it." He gave Neil a small burner phone, and there was only one number in the contact list. "Call me if you want to know more. And if you agree, well, we'll arrange how you'd die."

"I beg your pardon?"

"You'd fake your death. That's how you're going to be free." The man shrugged and raised the glass of Coke to his mouth.

Neil's eyes widened. In that short moment before the man sipped in the drink, Neil made a move. His decision was so fast he barely had time to know what was going on.

He slapped the glass away from the man's hand, sending it smashing on the floor.

**5+1. Home**

"I'm leaving for a mission tomorrow." The Protagonist said, the voice sounded strange to his own ears. He never sounds this...numb. But just seeing the day coming closer and closer, it was hard not to let fear grip his heart. He was always in control of his own emotions, unless it was about Neil, and now, well, everything would be about Neil.

"What? In this state? You must be joking." Neil stared at him in disbelief, hands still went on patching up his wound. "Where are you going? Can't Ives cover for you?"

"It's a pincer movement. Ives was already doing his part." He said, trying to sound casual, but Neil knew him like the back of his hand despite the hard shell he created for himself.

"I can go." Neil looked up at him from where he was sitting, blue eyes warm and loving, and suddenly it was so hard to breathe.

"No. No." He managed to let out a raspy sound, head shaking curtly. "You're not coming."

"Why? Netter can handle things here. You can get some rest, and I'll be back before you know it." Neil was stubborn, and the Protagonist hated how much it was because of Neil's affection for him. It was like seeing Neil asking to go to death because of him.

"You won't." He mumbled, turning away, pulling his shirt back up. He stood up from the chair and walked towards the tap to get some water.

"You talk like I'm a five year old asking to go to the mall, David." Neil followed him, confused. "You know I'm not. I've been working in Tenet for years, I know how to execute missions. Heck, I'm better than you at some point."

He gulped in a mouthful of water and swallowed. "Don't push it."

"Does it really have to be you? No one else can go? Can't you at least postpone it until you get better?" Neil was still not leaving him alone. Was this how Neil got this mission in the first place and went back to sacrifice himself? Was this how the future Protagonist let him go knowing that he was going to die? Because he pestered him into doing it?

"I'm tired. I'm getting to bed." He said, marching towards their bedroom, not daring to take a look back. He knew that if he just turned around, he would see the hurt in Neil's eyes as he threw the harsh words like knives. But then it was just words, couldn't be worse than losing his life. If being cruel to him now can stop him from ever trying to get into that mission, the Protagonist would do it a hundred times over.

He didn't bother turning on the light, just got into the room and fell into bed, turning away from the door. The Protagonist curled up in the blankets and lay still. He closed his eyes, trying to sleep, ignoring the pain from the fresh wounds and the clinking sounds of Neil cleaning up after him. It was quiet, as if Neil was careful not to let the noise disturb him. He didn't remember how many times Neil had to patch him up after missions in the past years. It almost became normal to him how the Protagonist would skip the medical bay and instead, went home in full tactical gear covered in blood, so Neil would tend to his injuries and give him the kisses and the warmth that those nurses could never match in a million years.

Whenever he said that, Neil would shake his head and chuckled, blushing hard. He never acknowledged how important he was to the Protagonist, even though they were lovers for so long. You are the hero, David, and the world should be the first thing in your mind, he would say. Personal feelings have to make way for the greater good. The Protagonist wasn't sure how empty he felt upon hearing that.

The day he saw Neil going back into the hypocenter with a smile on his face, the Protagonist made a promise to himself that he would change the past. Neil said what had happened, happened, but he didn't care. It still hadn't happened yet, meaning he could still bend it, reshape it, completely rip it off so he could write over with something new. And he spent years and years, working on all theories, all possibilities and realities to come up with a plan where neither Neil nor any innocent man had to give up their life. No one except for him.

"Hey, are you still awake?" Neil's whispers came into the room, but the Protagonist pretended to be already asleep. He heard a sigh and the sound of the door closing. Neil stepped into the room.

The sounds of his bare footsteps got closer and closer, and then the bed dipped as a warm figure slid himself into the Protagonist's arms under the blankets. It almost brought tears into his eyes how Neil just fit into his lap like that. How Neil was so perfectly safe next to him, in his arms.

"I'm sorry for angering you." He heard Neil whispered into his chest, a soft sigh following the shaky apology. It felt like having a bullet in his chest, festering worse and worse, and now just the sight of Neil could make him scream in pain.

He wasn't afraid of death, not when he could trade his death for Neil's. He had been practising his lock picking skills ever since the Sator mission to prepare for this. He would be in Neil's place, going back in time to help himself fighting Sator and saving the world. And then he would take a bullet for himself. Neil would be safe here, where he would continue as the head of Tenet and finish all things the Protagonist left behind. It was risky, it was bold, but it was the only way no one else had to do this. But dying means leaving this life he shared with Neil behind, and it was more difficult than any decision he had ever made.

"You know how much I love you, right?" The Protagonist stroke Neil's blond locks gently, feeling the soft strands slipping through his fingers like waves. It was the most calming feeling in the world.

"I thought you were asleep." Neil looked at him, eyes full of worries. "Does it still hurt much?"

Fuck. "No, no, love." He sighed, holding Neil closer and kissed him. If Neil asked just one more question, he would drop everything to stay here and keep Neil here and Sator would win. Let the world be damned. "I'm fine. Thank you."

"Get some rest." Neil cupped his cheeks, let their foreheads touch. "And I'll see if you can leave for the mission tomorrow."

"Oh, so you're in charge of me now?" He rolled his eyes playfully, and Neil grinned.

"I'm your personal doctor. You do what I say."

"I'll still go no matter what." He grumbled, burying his nose into Neil's messy hair, letting himself surrounded by the scent of chocolate. Neil always smelled like that. He slowly drifted into a peaceful slumber, holding the little sun in his arms. "It's important."

  
"Fine, then." Neil sleepily pinched him. "Just don't forget to take the talisman with you."

"It's yours."

"For luck, idiot." .  
.  
.  
 _You have to let me go, David._ Neil used to say in his nightmares. _You can't change the past._

 _I can. I won't let you die like this._ He would desperately, and stubbornly, say.

 _How would you let me die then?_ Neil would sigh.

 _Old._ He would reply, honestly, determinedly.

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a comment to tell me how you felt!


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